I hope the Wife appreciates this.

What in the hell motivates folks to carry on w/ this blog bullshiiiiii ?

1/23/08

Trump Card



Kathi Barlow is a lunatic. And no Susan, not because she has to live w/ the idea that her hottest daughter is married to me. She just returned from a four day trip to Arizona that in a moment of fleeting prudence she saw fit to take my two boys along w/ her. Understand that she was going by herself, no B-Low, Angel, Annabelle, Paige, Adrene or any other responsible party just her w/ my rugrats in tow. I waited to comment on this junket until her return because I wanted to see if was upright and mobile. She was happy and resolute, said it "wasn't bad." Are you shi*#ing me. I think she's self medicating. They're my boys and don't think I could handle them for 4 days alone and take them to McDonalds, let alone go through the rigamarole of air travel and not forgetting how fun two unruly males and carry-ons would be while enjoying the abortion that is airport security. Why did she do this? I think she's a sadist w/ a death wish. She did it because she suffers from a disorder common among Barlow women, i.e. Angel. Kathi lacks the ability to say NO! Some folks are born w/o genes, limbs, brains, personality or whatever and Kathi's cross is no less daunt. You see, Max down in Phoenix needed supervision while his parents attend a conference so instead of telling Angel and I "No, I can't watch your kids this week" what does she do but dream up an idea that must make sense on her planet and offer to take the kids w/ her.
Here is the lesson.
When dealing w/ your in-laws or more specifically mother-in-laws, Kathleen Birrell Barlow is your ultimate trump card. Should you need anything like, dinner, daycare, dinner, a spare car, dinner, storage, dinner, laundry, dinner, house cleaning, dinner, money, dinner, mending, dinner, diet coke, dinner, painting, dinner, kennel service, dinner, over-the-top gifts, dinner, errands run, dinner and lastly in case I forgot to mention... dinner, and if your in-laws do not happily oblige just politely let them know "Well ok, but Kathi would." You might say thats a bit manipulating, I say its fool proof. Guilt is the great motivator. Having a mother-in-law like barlow is in a lot of ways like having a 2nd wife, minus the hibbidy dibbidy, (She hasn't tried anything yet but if she walks the same trail as her mother it won't be too long before she starts getting frisky.) a second wife that doesn't care if you put your clothes away or leave the seat up. Untapped generosity and all you have to do to keep it flowing is abstain from the following; flatulence, belching, and body art.
The great blessing reaped while Kathi had the kids further south was that Angel and I got to remember w/ it was like before kids. It is AWESOME!!! We slept in and went on a date for the first time in an age. We had a few gift cards saved up giving some indication of our dating frequency so off to the Gateway.
The night was needed. No kids, I ate like a Donner Reed survivor and it didn't cost a dime so Angel was giddy and the best part of all is that we still like each other and it's not just about the sex. It could be but it's not. Have you seen my wife?... Hot. I'm distracted, oh yes, in-laws and barlow. Learn from this, keep the Kathi Barlow card in your pocket and use the hell out of it. In-laws everywhere should do more, like barlow, it sure makes married life and raising kids a helluva lot easier. Your kids might have issues w/ who their real parents are but we'll cross that bridge later. Thanks Kath.

P.S. Ask your self this question. Would your Mother-in-Law drive out to a College Football tailgate to pick up your kids so, A: you didn't have to cut out early and take them home yourself thus miss a majority of the tailgate or, B: so you don't have to take them into the game and deal w/ that pile of B.S.? If yes, would she do it every week? If she would you've got something special and you'd better not screw your marriage up.

16 comments:

Shani said...

I completely agree. Kathi Barlow is one in a million. Seeing her hairdo in the top pic makes me wonder why she didn't also add "hairdresser" to her repertoire. What a lady! P.S. Rob, do you think that the real reason she went out of her way to pick up her grandkids from the tailgate party was merely to minimize the exposure they had to their father's fanatical boisterous behavior at football activities? Just throwing it out there......

Suz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Suz said...

SERIOUSLY! You married so far above yourself! I suggest that you give Shani's comment some thought. I think she is on to something!

Meghan said...

how touching. that was quite a tribute. for as much sh** as you give the woman, you sure are indebted to her. i too have been the recipient of much of her assistance and service. ryry loves his gramma kathi. she is quite a lady, and you guys are pretty lucky to have her. i do wonder which of the 3 girls looks most like the above pic. i vote steph.

i do have some jealousy over your childless week. but i just want like 1 day, not 5. and, i'm glad you got to go on a date. finally. we also have the stack of gift cards lying around just waiting for the special day of their use...

Suz said...

Feel free to pass any soon-to-expire gift cards to those who have served their time.

Meghan said...

suz, if you've served your time, why are you still awake after midnight? go to sleep. if you want to stay up all night, come stay at my house. i have a computer too.

Jay said...

Or those who have yet to serve their time

Jay said...

We could talk if you are up at midnight but I am awake because someone has to save the mouth breathers of this state.

erin said...

rob... i think next time you should try and write more. I made it to the 2nd line and I was done...

Anonymous said...

this is the only blog that i have ever been to that gave me a huge headace

THE BIGGEST BYU GIRL FAN AUBREY said...

i whould like you to make a bigger 17-10 if you could

Anonymous said...

if your going to say shitjust say it

Dallas said...

Rob, I need you to call me. 38l-5lo6 --Dallas

Kristy said...

Rob I can see that you are still the same Rob that I knew at LDS Sleep Lab. Maybe not getting 50 plus days of skiing in but the same Rob!!!!

Anonymous said...

Don't you think that it is about time you updated and removed the picture of that "old bird"?

Amy said...

You are so funny! I'm glad I got in touch with Angel again!!! Great to see your sense of humor only increased!!!