I hope the Wife appreciates this.

What in the hell motivates folks to carry on w/ this blog bullshiiiiii ?


I'm Back, Damnit I'm Back

I’d like to be the first to welcome me back to the blog after a much-needed hiatus. (Holidays were great, kids are spoiled, and "The Pearl" can eat a whole camel.) Now back to work and on the road again it didn’t take long for me to find something that is worthy of a little rant.
The Railroad gives me a great opportunity to patronize a wide variety of dining venues and I am grateful for every last calorie, but there is one thing that irritates me more than looking at Hillary Clinton’s face. It all starts with buffet’s, and more recently casino buffet’s. Now in a casino I think that we would all agree that they have figured out everything. They have figured out how to get people to leave the comfort of their homes, travel to sh!* holes all over Nevada and spend their children’s college funds. They have also figured out how to get us to do that while sharing a black jack table with the 90 year old human cigarette that someone calls grandma and make us think that we are happy to be there. In addition they have figured out how get us so addicted to their drug that we will give them every dime we have and tens of thousands that we don’t, even to the point that we would move back in w/ mom and dad, cancel our cell phones, take jobs w/ questionable legality, abandon friends leaving you w/ your only means of transport home a bus filled w/ nicotine soaked octogenarians, and a sense of reality that you can travel 120 miles w/ your last 40 bucks and turn it into $8,000. Oh wait, that last part might not apply to all of us. Just people who my wife and little sis find irresistible atop houseboats floating on the moon drenched waters of Powell. Now with all this casino genius in mind, realizing they can do anything they want, limitless resources. Why in Hells name why can’t they figure out how to keep the bowls in the buffet’s next to the soft-serve ice cream slightly cooler than the surface of the sun? It must be an insanely difficult task. Right up there w/ cancer’s cure. Now tonight’s meal at the Rainforest Buffet has in no way been this soldier’s first rodeo. My sweet boiler is testament that I am no stranger to the all-you-can-eat. So why in all my gluttonous experience have I yet to find a cool let alone a luk-warm dish to prepare the pinnacle of every buffet goers experience? Think about it. Casino’s have security cameras that could find a tick on a dogs a$$ all the way in Tuscaloosca and can tell when your gonna scratch before it even itches but they can’t chill a desert bowl? Impossibility is the only answer, it simply can’t be done. Asking buffet ice cream to hold its form until you get back to your table is like dividing by zero. Please if any of you know of a place that has achieved the zenith of frozen dairy wonderment I’d love to know of and frequent this mythical heaven. Thank you for your time and farewell from Bend-over Nevada (or for anyone north of the mason-dixon "Nevaaaaada").


Suz said...

When Andy Rooney retires/dies, you can quit your day job.

Jay said...

you have way to much time on your hands.

Meghan said...

i don;t get the andy rooney comment, but i think that is because i'm not in my 80s yet.

i have also experienced the great bowls of fire - specifically at the sizzler. i question the ability of finding a chilled salad plate as well. who wants their lettuce to immediatly wilt when placed on the plate. I believe this is their attempt to make us believe they wash their dishes.

Raabarino said...

Smegma your brilliant. Like Kelly McGillis in Top Gun critiquing Mavericks unorthodox maneuvers, "In my estimation your flight plan was right on!" They do want us to think they are sanitary. How smart you must feel. I covet your insight and fyi, Andy Rooney is a no talent ass clown... kidding he's hysterical and you should read/listen up on him.